Mmmm catnip
by jr.Journalist
Summary: A furry beast roams the grounds... and is addicted to drugs... cat drugs... READ THE STORY AND REVIEW! PLEASE! I'll love you for ever and ever...
1. The enemy has arrived

Hello everybody, this is a joint story, by Nikkila and myself, jr. Journalist. We reckon it's unfair that Mrs Norris gets no attention. So here we go Mrs Norris, this one's for you.

Set at the start of the third book.

Disclaimer: We don't own harry potter, we just own this particular story line... and we like Mrs Norris.

Chapter One

I was having a _horrible_ day. My Master and best friend (we aren't lovers!), Argus (Filch) was mightily pissed off. We lived at Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. And, later on today, all the little brats would be returning, to plague us with stink pellets, and dung bombs. And I, being a cat, have a very sensitive nose. Those two red headed monsters were the worst, and they would be back today too, ahhh where did the summer go? I am already counting down the days till the end of term, for catnip's sake! Mmmm...catnip.

The holidays were the best time of the year, where there are no evil brats around, to catch us at our daisy picking best. And where the fields are green and the skies are blue. And the lake is fresh, so Argus can go wash... he smells like a dung heap himself, and then has the audacity to complain about stink pellets and the like. Well, when he does wash, I am always really quite relieved, I have to live with him for catnip's sake! Mmmm catnip. He only has time to wash in the holidays you see, so in the school term, he reeks like my Kitti litter box, when it hasn't been cleaned for a month.

Anyway, back to reality, and the new school term. My Master and I have only a few precious hours left together until we are mercilessly torn apart in the throng of a smelly crowd of first years. And alas, I only had a few days before Argus started to reek again.

"My sweet, we must be prepared for the evil little lawbreakers that will soon arrive. There is not a single good one among them, they are all evil, If only I could punish them as was done in the old days! Dumbledore is fooling himself when he thinks the new ways are effective. Stupid batty old man!" Argus was getting himself worked up, "Still, my manacles are still oiled and ready for a time when the use of them will go unnoticed."

I wished to express my opinion, but I just meowed instead. Argus really was a stupid old git sometimes... a lot of the time. We go through this at the end of every holiday for catnip's sake. Mmmm... catnip

Suddenly a gong sounded through the castle: the enemy had arrived. I mentally pulled a helmet on, raised my shield and unsheathed my sword. In reality all I did was sit there, and narrowed my eyes at the door. We were standing in the great hall, and I could hear the little beasties, laughing and shouting as they ascended the stairs, to enter The Castle. Laughing I ask you! To enter a building, for catnips sake! Mmmm catnip.

We stood there, and as they burst in, we stood straight, our heads held high, letting them know that they were in _our_ territory now. I've marked it enough to know. So, we stood there, glaring at them intimidating, striking fear into their hearts. I scoped out potential mischief makers; rule one of any battle: know thine enemy.

At the head of the list were the two terrors, the redheaded rats, Fred and George Weasley. As most of the other students cowered away from our glares, these two walked straight up to us and said to Argus, "Hello Filchy, what fun we'll have this year!" Then they grinned and sauntered away, followed only by our deathly glares... and all their classmates of course.


	2. Love is in the Air?

Sup, this is the next chapter, who knew cats fell in love?

Disclaimer: Do we look like J.K Rowling? No, didn't think so, we don't own these characters, or Harry Potter, da di da di da, you guys know the drill.

Oh Yeah, Paper-flowerz, and for the benefit of anybody else that doesn't know how Cats mark their territory, she uhhh... un-drinks water you could say? You know... takes a leak... goes to the bathroom... wee wee's...

**Love is in the Air?**

Although the castle was again crawling with smelly little rats (students), there was _one_ good thing that had arrived this year on the train, one _very_ good thing. I saw him as he strode through my grounds, staring brazenly around him. He was tall, lean, and _very_ handsome. You could see that he came from a good family, you could see it in his aristocratic attitude, and brave and determined stance. His blue eyes were deep and meaningful, his powerful muscles were rippling beneath his skin...

And his tail. Oh my _GOD_ his tail. It was full and bushy, whipping round his backside, like a cobra on its leash. The rich ginger hairs, his smooth graceful lines, my heart melted at once. I've never seen another feline like him. Catnip be praised! Mmmm... catnip.

I just _had_ to find out all that I could of him, no matter what means I used, I had to know him! And, because I was so shy, and rather doubtful of my looks, I decided not only to groom for at least three hours a day (I had rather a lot of time on my hands), and to exercise, but also, to stalk him.

If I may say so myself, I think I was quite successful, I eventually found out that he was a member of the Kitti Kat's Anonymous. For any of you that _don't_ know what the Kitti Kat's Anonymous was, it was _the _club for felines at Hogwarts. Any cat that was _some _cat was in that club. Well, their poor casting agent unfortunately overlooked myself, probably due to their own error. If you were in the KKA, you got VIP's at the most prestigious parties around, you also got free lifetime supplies of tuna. _And_ you got to meet and make acquaintance with the _biggest_ hotshots in town. I had also found out his nationality... he was a Froggy! I mean French... if you don't get it... He can _bonjour_ me any day!

Well, after several weeks of working out, grooming and vigorous stalking, I got the idea that he figured me out. I was minding my own business, following him through the corridors, when he suddenly froze, and started to turn around, I whipped back round the corner, so as not to be seen. Only, he already knew I was there, what a man!

He said loudly, in a deep sensual voice, which reverberated through my body and made my four knees weak, "I know zat you are zere! Zere is no point in hiding! Come out and fight like a man!"

Oh my God! He's talking to me! This fine specimen actually chose to talk to me! Even if, in his misunderstood state, he simply wished to rip me to shreds. I walked slowly round the corner, and hoped all my ... body refining had worked. "Uhhh, I would if I were a man." I said looking at my feet.

"Madame! I beg for your apologies, zere was non offence intended, I thought zat you were... a stalker." He said to me, all in a French accent.

I blushed, as well as I could, seeing as I had fur. "Well," I said, "You see, I ah, was stalking you... I'm just... not a man." Then I burst into tears, men were suckers for tears. "I'm sorry!" I sobbed, "Your just... so gorgeous," I sobbed, "I couldn't help it... please don't hurt me..." I stood there, with tears dripping off my nose. He rushed over at once.

"I would never dream of hurting such a bewitching, enchanting, captivating creature as yourself! Pleaze, join me for a meal... I would be... how you say... honored." He said, I nearly started singing 'Waltzing Matilda' whilst doing somersaults. My (fake) tears stopped at once.

"Really? When?"

He smiled at me (a cat smiling, hehehe!) and said, "I know just the place, meet me in ze big room, ze one with ze chandelier. At midnight."

"The entrance hall? Of course."

"I'm counting the hours till I see you again... Mizz...?"

"Surreal... but I'm known to most others as Mrs Norris, not many know my real name... or my surreal name!" I giggled at my pun; he looked at me strangely. And I looked down at my feet... paws, my hidden cheeks flushing a bright red.

"Surreal, what a beautiful name Mademoiselle, I am pleased to make your... how do you say... acquaintance." He said, taking my paw in his and licking the top of it.

A.N we were both rolling on the floor in hysterics at this... don't diss.

"What's your name?" I asked, flashing my long tail.

"Roux (pronounced 'Ruu ')" He said, "But I am commonly named..." He looked bashfully at his feet, so his name was a sore spot? Ooooooh I wonder what it is.

He sighed heavily, "They call me Crookshanks. But please, call me Roux."

"As long as I never hear the words _Mrs Norris _pass your fangs."

"A deal." He said, bowing to me.

"OK, So, I'll see you tonight... Roux?" I savoured the feel of his name passing my fangs.

"You shall, till our next meeting, _au revoir!_" He called, swishing round.

I gasped as I saw the perfect contours of his bum swing to stare me in the face.

And his tail, his leashed cobras tail. I was almost drooling... something dripped onto the floor below my face... I'll correct that, I _was_ drooling. I spun around quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice, and ran off to my den, to prepare myself for the wondrous night ahead.

**A.N Please, please, please, press that review button! We need reviews! Its like food! – jr.Journalist.**

**I'm kinda shamed to say so, but two of those three reviews up there are from me, we're desperate! We seriously will love you forever and ever! – Nikkila**

Paper-Flowerz- Thanx sososososososososososososososo much, you will forever be honoured as our first reviewer, we will remember your name forever!!


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